


Practice Run

by dawnheart



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, Light Angst, Light Violence (punches thrown), M/M, Misunderstandings, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 15:36:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15710154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnheart/pseuds/dawnheart
Summary: JJ thinks Otabek will never go for him so he does the next best thing. But it turns out to be the worst thing.





	Practice Run

Here’s a sight you usually didn’t see: Mila, Yuri, and Otabek posing for a selfie. They took a few, and then someone walking by noticed them and offered to take it instead. They posed together facing the stranger, and after snapping a few, they thanked the stranger, who waved and walked away.

 

JJ knew he should go to class instead of staring like a creep, but he didn't budge.

 

He watched Mila hug Otabek, and Yuri look at Otabek fondly, and then they both walked away. He thought it was odd that they would just leave Otabek at his locker but he shouldn’t look a gift Otabek in the mouth. He tried to casually ease towards him  he knew it did not work since Otabek quirked a quizzical eyebrow at him.

 

“Hello, JJ.” He shut his locker and started to turn away. 

 

“Mr. Popular over here,” JJ teased, glueing himself to Otabek’s side as they walked down the  hall.

 

Otabek sighed and shook his head. “You’re talking about yourself, again.”

 

JJ put on an exaggerated appreciative expression. “I am a great topic of conversation!”

 

Otabek fiddled with the collar of his (very) leather jacket.

 

“How come you and me have never taken a selfie?”  JJ blurted. So much for not being weird.

 

Otabek glanced at him.  “You have taken lots of pictures of me,” he pointed out.

 

“Yes, but you never pose for mine!”

 

“I don’t take selfies.”

 

JJ scoffed. “You literally just took one with Mila and Yuri. Don't lie to me, your best friend.”

 

Otabek waved his hand in the air, like he was waving away the conversation. “That was a special occasion.” His lips twitched in the barest of smiles.

 

“Every day with me is a special occasion, don’t you think?”

 

“Of course,” Otabek assured him.

 

JJ couldn't argue with that. Mostly since Otabek agreed with him. 

 

“So, what are you up to today?”

 

“Scourging the streets, laying waste, and spreading darkness.”

 

JJ did not even feel his jaw drop.

 

“You know, just being a general hoodlum.”

 

JJ knew he should say something, but what was there to say?

. 

“JJ.”

 

JJ closed his mouth. “Yeah?”

 

“I was joking.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“I’m not just a general hoodlum, I’m a VIP hoodlum.”

 

JJ guffawed, probably not very attractively.

 

“I’ll see you later?” Otabek said, as he pushed through the double doors.

 

“Oh— yeah, totally,” JJ said, holding the door open while he watched Otabek head towards his motorcycle. “Not unless I see you first!” Oh, boy. What had he done?

 

Otabek turned back smiled softly. JJ felt like he won first place in everything. It’s a good thing Otabek wasn’t lactose intolerant. JJ knew he could be cheesy, but it was fun. Otabek put on his helmet started the bike and left the parking lot. Yes, Otabek Altin rode his motorcycle to school. Jeez.

 

JJ stared at him as far as his eyes could see him. He took a deep breath, trying to fill the emptiness in his chest. He knew they would see each other tomorrow. No big deal. If only Otabek used social media. That would be nice. He turned on an energetic pop Spotify playlist and made his way to his car, blaring the music into the parking lot. All the way home, imagined he and Otabek zipping around town on that motorbike. He grinned every time he thought about Otabek looking at him fondly.

  
  


***

  
  


JJ got home, had a snack, glanced over his homework for today, and instead, sprawled on the couch and scrolled through Instagram. 

 

Then Otabek’s picture with Mila and Yuri appeared on his feed. 

 

He liked the post and went to Mila’s page, and he found what he suspected: the three of them posted a lot of pictures together. Sara made some appearances as well, sometimes Michele, sometimes even Emil.  All the photos were had cute themes: Adventure Time, Teen Titans, Power Rangers. Twinning, but with a lot of people. Tripletting. Quintupleting. 

 

He wondered why he and Otabek never did anything like that. He and Otabek would look really good together. Because they were really attractive. And JJ made every photo look better.

 

Otabek did have an Instragram, though he never used it. He clicked on Otabek’s tag and it took him to his page. It hilariously had nothing on it for a while. He didn’t have that  many followers either—like, ten. Then there were like one or two photos and now he was up to six. All of the photos were of the sky or bricks or pavement—edgy artsy stuff. JJ went to his tagged photos and of course it was all Otabek, Yuri and Mila. JJ knew Otabek and Yuri were best friends. JJ knew Yuri and Mila were best friends. But Otabek and Mila? He never thought about it, but apparently they were.

 

JJ wasn’t naive enough to think he knew everything. He didn't. But he had just gotten used to  trusting the fact that important information just came to him, that he didn't need to seek it out; that if it was worth knowing, he would eventually know. But now, he felt that he was lacking in information.

 

So? It was time to call in the big guns. He opened Snapchat and searched for Phichit’s chat.

 

_ JJ: Helloo _

 

JJ barely had time to open another app before Phichit responded.

 

_ Phichit: what can I do for you on this fine day? _

 

_ JJ: I can’t just text a friend for no reason? _

 

_ Incoming call from Phichit Chulanont. _

 

“Hello?”

 

“Cut the crap. Do you need something?” His voice was like honey and cinnamon; he said it so sweetly, and yet his words were like a kick to the jaw.

 

“Uhh.” JJ took a deep breath and tried to make his voice sound casual. “I was just wondering….if Otabek and Mila were dating.”

 

“Hm. I have heard rumors but I don’t distribute false information, so that’s all I can say about that.”

 

“So they aren’t?”

 

“I mean, it’s not like they are going to prom together or something.”

 

“So they might be.”

 

“I don’t know.”

 

“Otabek and Yuri….?”

 

“Is there a reason you need to know this?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay, JJ. Because if you had a good reason to know, then I could tell you. But I will not just gossip to strangers.”

 

“But you said we are friends!”

 

“Don’t change the subject.”

 

“I mean, I am just wondering for no reason. I guess.”

 

“Okay, JJ. If you change your mind about your reasons, I guess give me a call. I’ll see you at school.”

 

JJ imagine Phichit looking down at him through circular spectacles, like a grandfather looking at a grandchild who shouldn’t have rolled in the dirt right before church and needed to be rebuked. 

 

“Okay. See you at school.”

 

The call clicked finished.

 

JJ put his phone down on the couch, and lay with his head and feet each pressed against the opposite arm rests. 

 

He thought of Mila on Otabek’s bike. He didn’t like it. He knew it was none of his business. Still, the call had not given him new information—just confirmed that Phichit could be pretty scary when he wanted to be. But maybe Phichit wasn’t the scariest thing in the world. Comparatively: Sharks. Heights. Failure. Being alone. There were lots of scary things.

 

***

 

Otabek could be with whoever he wanted to be, but JJ needed a fair chance to show Otabek a thing or two about a thing or two. What if Otabek was super sexy (yes) but he was awkward on dates (unbelievable, but unbelievably cute)? Maybe he needed JJ’s help. The possibilities were endless. 

 

“Otabek!” JJ called, grateful to catch him at his locker at the end of the day. “Want to come over today?” He panicked a little when Otabek looked at him appraisingly. JJ tried to read the tilt of his eyebrows and the quirk of his lips. 

 

“Okay,” Otabek said, and JJ breathed a sigh of relief. “Any special occasion?”

 

“Every day is a special occasion with me!”

 

“Of course.” Otabek lips quirked and JJ felt like he had won the Nobel Peace prize. Otabek’s smile could secure world peace. They could rename the prize. Otabek’s Smile Award. He wondered who he should contact about that.

 

They went to JJ’s house and turned on the TV and did some homework; Otabek studied diligently, and JJ stretched across the couch and stuck his feet behind Otabek’s butt.  Otabek sat (like a proper human) with his feet propped up on the ottoman. JJ flipped through channels and sent Otabek memes of himself. 

 

Otabek dropped his phone on his textbook with a small  _ thwack _ . “JJ.”

 

“Yes?” JJ replied sweetly. 

 

“Why are you texting me? We are in the same room.” Otabek slung an arm across the back of the couch and JJ almost sighed at the hard lines of his silhouette. 

 

“But I want you to have these memes forever!”

 

“My phone deletes photos automatically.”

 

JJ gawked. 

 

“I can only have ten per conversation.”

 

“Give me that!” JJ lunged, but Otabek was fast. He held his phone and pencil above his head just above JJ’s reach. JJ wanted to get it while lying down but that wasn’t working.

 

“What?” Otabek demanded.

 

“Change it in your settings!”

 

“For memes?” Otabek looked scandalized.

 

“Yes!” JJ cried, swiping.

 

“You are like a little cat,” Otabek noted coolly.

 

“Who are you calling little?” JJ asked smugly.

 

“JJ, no,” Otabek sighed.

 

JJ clambered up and finally did grab Otabek’s phone.

 

“JJ, you’re hurting me,” Otabek grunted.

 

Ignoring the fact that JJ was in Otabek’s lap (and the textbook was hurting him, and probably Otabek) JJ was happy to see Otabek’s phone was unlocked (the studious look was just putting on airs, hmm?)

 

Just as he was trying to get into the text messaging settings, a notification flashed on the top of the screen, from {purple heart}{purple heart}{purple heart}MILA{purple heart}{purple heart}{purple heart}. JJ almost dropped the phone. 

 

“JJ, get off me,” Otabek muttered.

 

“Okay, fine, fix your own phone,” JJ grumbled back, dropping Otabek’s phone back in his lap and crawling back to his side of the couch. He crooked his legs so that they weren’t touching Otabek anymore.

 

“A cat,” Otabek grumbled.

 

“What was that?” JJ asked loudly.

 

Otabek shook his head.

 

Okay, so maybe Mila and Otabek were dating. Or pre-dating. Or whatever the kids were doing these days. It seemed he did not have the time to prove himself like he thought he thought he would but hey, life happens. He was nothing if not great at thinking on his toes and coming up with stuff on the fly. 

 

And this situation? Was totally fine. Because JJ was a supportive friend and not everything was about him, contrary to popular, and sometimes his own, belief.

 

“So, Otabek,” JJ asked in an attempt to distract Otabek from the fact that he was trying to steal his phone.

 

“Yes?” 

 

“Got any special ladies or men in your life?”  Okay, not exactly the best way to move on, but oh well.

 

Otabek quirked a judgemental eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

 

“What do you mean what do I mean?  You should know what I mean!”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me their name, though you should,  but do you have your eye on someone?” JJ’s tongue fully tripped over his own words.

 

“JJ, is this is your way of asking what we are?” Otabek asked, as if talking to a toddler. 

 

“Uh.” Oh, boy. What was happening?

 

“Because,” Otabek continued, with great weight to his words, and weariness, “yes, of course, you are a special person in my life.”

 

Okay, what was happening. “Thank you, Otabek,” JJ leaned over and jostled Otabek’s shoulder. 

 

Otabek swatted his arm away. 

 

“But I am just saying—if you have someone you are trying to woo, I can help you!”

 

“What makes you think I need help?”

 

This was a foot in the mouth situation. “No, what? No. I didn’t say that. I know you don’t need any help! Just—”

 

“JJ.”

 

He looked into Otabek’s warm chocolate eyes.

 

“Yes?”

 

“If you have any advice, you can tell me. You have a certain way with everyone that would be beneficial for me to learn.”

 

Wow, this boy was adorable. Not that he had anything to learn from JJ, in reality. He was perfect the way he was. 

 

“Also,” Otabek said, before JJ could open his mouth, “the person in question, I think needs to take a hint, so I might need some tips on how to be more obvious.”

 

“You need to see if they like you? Of course they like you.”

 

“Not necessarily.”

 

“What?” JJ cried. “Why not?”

 

“If they liked me that much they might have done something about it already.”

 

“I don’t know if it’s exactly that true.”

 

“Wouldn’t you go after someone you wanted?”

 

“Sure,” JJ said blindly, though to be fair, that was a lie.

 

Otabek looked down. “Well, then. That settles it.”

 

“No!” JJ argued. “Everyone is different! Going after someone openly is lame. It’s all about the game.”

 

Otabek’s mouth twitched. “That seems unnecessarily convoluted.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“Okay, then, lay it on me.”

 

“I certainly will,” JJ said hating that his mind went immediately to him on top of Otabek—Otabek on top of him—the possibilities were endless—but he carried on because he knew nothing if not the lifestyle of sacrifice. Sometimes. “The first thing is—” Hmmm. What was he going to say? Personality? Appearance? Flirting? Everything was perfect. And he wasn’t sure if he could actually stomach teaching Otabek to flirt with Mila. That might be too much. They weren’t going to do a secret agent ordeal where he fed Otabek lines. Just… no.

 

“Fashion,” JJ finished lamely.

 

Otabek looked intrigued and appalled. “What’s wrong with the way I dress?”

 

Not really a goddamn thing. But he guessed he should figure out what Mila would like. “You need to stand out in a crowd—” He already did, but—

 

“I mean I can’t literally stand out because I am not as tall as you—”

 

The perfect height, really. “Why don’t we go shopping?”

 

“Now?”

 

“If you want.”

 

Otabek looked down at his textbook. He glanced at his agenda, propped up on the armrest. 

 

“Uh. Yeah, okay, why not.” Otabek slammed his textbook shut.

 

JJ gaped. “Wait, really?”

 

Otabek looked at him. JJ drowned in the color. “You want to go right?”

 

JJ grinned and leapt up. “Yeah! Let’s go.”

 

*** 

 

They went to all of JJ’s favorite stores, and some more. Otabek looked amused while JJ scurried around, gushing over what he thought would look good on Otabek, and babbling about fashion advice, collars, cuts, fits, and colors. They passed some suits which made JJ lapse into momentary silence.  Did Otabek own a suit? Hopefully he wouldn’t need one for taking Mila on dates. That didn’t seem like either of their styles. Going to fancy restaurants. Dating each other didn't seem like either of their styles, either, but whatever. He was biased so that might not be an accurate analysis.

 

He spent a bunch of time plastering shirts against Otabek’s beautiful body and delighting in the slight scowls or eyerolls he got in return.

 

“JJ, I would never wear this.”

 

JJ looked innocently at the light blue hoodie with a beachy tropical scene print he held against Otabek’s chest.

 

“It brings out your eyes!”

 

“No it doesn’t.”

 

JJ chuckled halfheartedly and put the hoodie back on the rack. “Okay. I mean it does look good but it's also funny since you would never wear it.”

 

“So, you think I should go on my first date looking like a joke?”

 

He was not expecting confirmation. He knew this was happening but it was different hearing it out loud.

 

“I mean, you could pull it off,” JJ said sincerely and a little sadly.

 

“No, JJ.” Otabek turned around.

 

Things might have gone faster if JJ didn't make Otabek try on a bunch of different things and come out of the dressing room with each item and spin around and walk up and down the dressing room aisle to one of JJ’s cheesy (read: lit) electropop playlists. Gifted with his own personal Otabek fashion show?—a blessing beyond compare. And Otabek never drew a line (except for that tropical hoodie. And anything tropical or beachy JJ tried to slip into the pile of clothes to try on.) JJ was having so much fun. He did not have to be told twice to join in on the shenanigans.

 

Eventually Otabek started to get tired but still didn't seem in love with anything (which might just mean he had better impulse control than JJ—but still.) However, one thing finally broke Otabek down: these navy socks with little brown bears on them that were just adorable. JJ needed Otabek to have them. He offered to buy them for Otabek who vehemently refused. However, Otabek did end up buying them (yay!) and he couldn’t stop staring at the bag that the cashier put them in. Success. No matter how small.

 

***

##  At the mall 2

###  : skimming way too much while editing because the dialogu ewas too much and apprently boring

 

Another store, another dressing room.  JJ kept with his original strategy but also kept a keen eye out for anything with bears.

 

“Otabek, what are you doing in there?” JJ called, leaning against the wall from where he sat on the little blue cube that the store kindly provided. “I’m hungry!”

 

“Oh, now you want to go?” Otabek asked from inside the dressing room. Even though his voice was muffled, JJ could still hear the lilt of attitude. “I’m just getting started!”

 

“What?” JJ cried.

 

“We have been here four hours, you can’t wait four minutes?”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, it hasn’t been four hours,” JJ retorted.

 

“It has.”

 

“It was worth it!”

 

“It will be if you just wait.”

 

That piqued JJ’s interest. More than piqued. Riled. Triggered an avalanche. He couldn’t wait anymore. He leapt up and leaned against the door. “What are you doing? Let me see!”

 

“Okay, okay.”

 

The door opened and Otabek stepped out with his hands in the pockets of his artfully ripped just at the knees jeans, the bottoms of the legs folded just so. He could wear jeans with just about anything and look amazing because he looked amazing in anything he wore, however there was one  detail that put this outfit over the top: Otabek’s sweater. It was navy with a bear on the front, and the bear wore a little yellow vest under slightly lighter navy jacket with toggle buttons and its little bear paws were in its jean pockets. 

 

It was adorable. And hot-attractive-sexy.

 

Otabek must have read something on JJ’s face. Before JJ could be embarrassed (he was too excited), Otabek warned, “Don’t get an id—”

 

“It looks so good! You look so hot.” JJ came up behind him and put his hands on his shoulders and pressed their faces together. They looked at themselves in the mirror. Otabek looked pleased, but trying not to show it. His nose was pressed into Otabek’s cheek. He smelled so good. His skin was so soft. He was so warm. His breathing was so shallow. How did he survive breathing like this?

 

Otabek looked down at the bear and then looked at it in the mirror again. 

 

“You like it,” JJ declared.

 

“Yeah,” Otabek said softly.

 

“Yeah??? Get it!” JJ screamed, coming around to stand in front of Otabek. 

 

JJ knew he was blushing but he hoped that Otabek wouldn't noticed because he also had a slight blush dusting his cheeks. JJ wondered what he was thinking about (or sadly, who). 

 

But it didn't matter.  “It looks really good,” JJ babbled.

 

Otabek was still staring right at the bear in the center of his chest. “You really think so?”

 

JJ felt a pang in his own chest. “Everyone with eyes thinks so,” he said, his voice cracking at the end.

 

“Okay, don’t exaggerate,” Otabek said quickly, and JJ hoped he hadn't noticed.

 

“We are getting it.”

 

“JJ.”

 

“Come on! I’m hungry,” JJ repeated.

 

“Let’s go eat but we aren’t getting any of this stuff.” Otabek started putting stuff on the rack next to the changing room door.

 

“No!” JJ whined, picking the stuff back up.

 

“You know I can’t afford any of this stuff,” Otabek grumbled, feeling for the tag.

 

JJ slapped his hand away. “Don’t worry about that.”

 

“JJ,” Otabek said, folding his arms in front of his chest, though there was no heat behind his name. He went back into the changing room. 

 

JJ paced the floor in front of the other rooms so that Otabek couldn’t see that he was. Though he could probably hear him.  He heard the door click open behind of him and he rushed to be there. 

 

“So?” 

 

“So, nothing.” Otabek’s curt reply was as dismissive as him barely acknowledging glance. 

 

“At least carry it around for a while. We can look at other things while you decide.”

 

Otabek gave him a dirty look. “You are tricking me into getting attached to this thing.”

 

“Then I’ll hold it.”

 

Otabek swatted his hand away. “No, stop.”

 

JJ smiled victoriously. 

 

They browsed for a while. JJ was still hungry but he wanted Otabek to have time to decide to get the sweater. He snuck glances, trying to see where on the deciding scale he was at.  Otabek was pointedly not looking at him, searching through the racks. The scratch of the metal hangers on the stands and the aggressive clink of them being shoved aside physically represented the internal process of Otabek making an important decision.  

 

JJ checked Snapchat. Maybe Otabek was getting freaked out because he could feel his eyes on him.

 

But he could only distract himself for a few minutes. He joined Otabek on his side of the rack. 

 

“Yes?” Otabek did not look away.

 

“I could get it for you,” JJ said, almost breathless.

 

Otabek froze. “I can’t make you do that—”

 

“It’s just like—a gift—it’s nothing—”

 

“It’s not nothing, it’s a lot,” Otabek snapped.

 

JJ held his breath. “It’s just one thing.” 

 

“A very expensive thing!”

 

“Why are you freaking out about this? Friends get each other stuff all the time.”

 

Otabek looked at him and JJ felt his smile wobble. Otabek’s gaze pierced his soul, searching.  JJ wasn’t sure what he would find. 

 

Otabek worried his bottom lip between his teeth. JJ wished Otabek could stop doing that while they were in public. 

 

“Say yes,” JJ said.

 

Otabek looked at him warily. “You can’t buy anything for me ever again—”

 

“Yesssssss!” JJ actually punched the air in delight, then swung an arm around Otabek’s shoulders, jostling him.

 

“No Christmas presents, or birthday presents—”

 

JJ led him to the checkout counter,  lightly hitting his fist on Otabek’s chest.

 

“This is the best day of my life!”

 

After JJ paid and handed the bag to Otabek, who looked at the sweater gingerly, JJ was still hungry, but a lot more energized.

 

They piled into JJ’s car and JJ drove them back to his house. Otabek was silent at first so JJ turned on the radio. The weight of what Otabek allowed him to do hadn't fully sunk in yet. The weight of what he had done of his own volition hadn't fully sunk in yet either. He was still reeling from the adrenaline of the impulse. It’s not like he had that much money to be throwing around. His parents didn’t encourage it. But they did encourage giving really good gifts. And if he wanted something for himself, he was going to get it. He knew that not everyone was like that. And he knew that some people had a hard time accepting gifts. But he hoped he hadn't overstepped any boundaries. He glanced at Otabek who was staring intently at the radio dial. Then he glanced at JJ and JJ jumped a little.

 

“You okay?” Otabek sounded amused.

 

Hm. Was this a good sign? “Yeah.” 

 

“Hey, JJ, listen, thank you—”

 

JJ turned down the music. “Don’t mention it.”

 

“No, I have to—”

 

“You really don’t—”

 

“Can you just let me say thank you?”

 

JJ was silent, more out of surprise at the vehemence in Otabek’s voice, than wanting to let him feel bad for this.

 

JJ waited for a few beats. Otabek was still frozen in his seat.

 

“Okay,” JJ prompted, “say it.”

 

Otabek glanced at him,  quiet for a second. “Thank you,” he said.

 

“You’re welcome,” JJ said, trying to infuse his voice with all the sincerity and love he could muster.

 

They arrived at JJ’s house, and they climbed out of the car, slamming the doors shut. 

 

“So.” JJ looked at Otabek’s motorcycle parked outside his house.

 

“See you tomorrow?” Otabek asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Thank you. I had a lot of fun.”

 

“I had so much fun, too.”

 

“My helmet is inside, though.”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

“And my backpack.”

 

JJ snorted. He led them into the house. “Right. Let’s go. Not that you need those things. It will be fine.”

 

“Indeed. Local man with amazing bear sweater crashes to untimely death.”

 

JJ gaped at him. “Okay, okay, I was just kidding!”

 

“Me, too.”  Otabek pushed his notebook and textbook into his backpack.

“So that was basically a date,” 

 

JJ slammed his toe into the leg of the couch, and bit hit lip, screwing his eyes shut to keep from crying out. “What?” he gasped, his brain going white with panic. 

 

“Isn’t going to the mall a date?” Otabek asked, looking up at him, from bending down to get his backpack.

 

JJ felt like he was on the hot seat. Even this was a pre-arranged thing that they were supposed to be doing. There should be no problem. “Oh. Yeah! Going to the mall can be a really fun date I guess.”

 

Otabek straightened and looked JJ in the eye. “Did you have fun?”

 

“Of course I had fun. Did you have fun?”

 

“Yeah. So, basically I just let my date buy me a bunch of clothes?” 

 

“Well. I mean you don't have to on the first date,” JJ babbled. “That’s like...” Third date stuff. Fifteenth date. Married. “I mean if they offer, why not?” JJ laughed, but it cracked in the middle.

 

Otabek studied him. 

 

“So,” JJ said slowly.

 

“So,” Otabek agreed.

 

JJ ran a hand through his hair, increasingly panicked about the idea that their conversation was growing awkward. JJ was not awkward. Charming, handsome, smooth… but not awkward. 

 

“Also… there was something I wanted to ask you. Buying me a sweater was the best day of your life?”

 

JJ looked at him with wide eyes, studying the tilt of his eyebrows and lips. Was he teasing him?

 

“What?”

 

“You said that when we stood in line to buy it.”

 

“Of course. I want to connect people to clothes that make them feel happy, make them feel like them.” 

 

Otabek smirked. “Really?”

 

“Really.”

 

“Has your life been sad, JJ?” Otabek asked. “I am glad I could bring you this happiness, but should I be worried?

 

Oh my god. Why did he always embarrass himself so much in front of Otabek? He was pretty sure he was so much smoother in real life. Because this was dream.  Hanging out with Otabek was such a dream because it made him so happy, happier than anything else in the world. It wasn’t because his life was sad. It was because Otabek was amazing.

 

“No! My life is great! Fantastic! Super!” It sounded like a lie. It wasn’t. Not entirely. His life was amazing. It was just now there seemed to be something (someone) who could make it even better and he wasn't sure if that could become a reality. “I like helping people. Just see how your Snap and DMs blow up the day you wear that sweater to school.”

 

Otabek rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure whatever.”

 

“I’m being serious.”

 

They walked outside to his motorbike. 

 

“See you tomorrow,” Otabek said.

 

“You know it,” JJ grinned, and watched Otabek rev away.

 

JJ stood there, the panicked empty feeling emerging again. God, why couldn’t he just be happy like that all the time? He hated the lows in between the highs. Was that life? Was that love?

 

Oh, boy.

 

He made his way to his car.  Never mind the fact that Otabek knew this was a date. Even if it was a fake date. A teachable moment. A training seminar. Never mind the fact that that this was the date that JJ wanted to be on with Otabek rather than just some preparation for someone else. 

 

Was he stupid? He was so stupid. Or at least screwed.

 

***

 

They hung out a lot. If they weren’t friends before they definitely were now. Otabek asked to hang out, too! What! The first time it happened JJ thought he was going to die from happiness. But he couldn't because he needed to go hang out with Otabek—Otabek’s hangout session. That he planned. (Eeeeeee!!!) (That was a manly squeal, by the way. So manly. Yup. Eeeeee!)

 

Though, the only thing that bothered him if there was anything was that at first, Otabek could not to be cajoled into wearing the sweater. (He wore the socks to school often enough and it was adorable.) But the sweater.

 

“You like it right?” JJ whined

 

“I love it.”

 

“Why don’t you wear it?”

 

“JJ, please, it’s special.”

 

“I know! You are special.  I must be special if I am lucky enough to see you in the sweater.”

 

Otabek rolled his eyes. “You are special.”

 

“I must be since I have the honor and pleasure of knowing you and spending time with you.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

Otabek could be surprisingly sappy. It took a while to get there, but JJ loved it. He was so jealous of MIla. God, so jealous. Did Mila even like sap? She just seemed like she wanted to beat up boys twenty four seven. 

 

After school, they decided to grab a bite to eat. Otabek wore the bear sweater today (thank God!!!!)  He couldn’t look more edible if he tried! Fuck!

 

They got up to leave and they were hanging out by JJ’s car. “You know there is one thing missing from your lessons,” Otabek said, tapping his fingers on his helmet.

 

JJ whipped his head up from looking at his phone. “What.”

 

“Do you never kiss your dates?”

 

JJ looked at him in shock. “Oh. What. I mean.  Yes.” He turned his phone around in his hand.

 

Something changed in Otabek’s face. “Unless I misunderstood something. Never mind.” 

 

What was happening. “No, no, like.” What was happening. “I just didn’t want to do something you weren’t ready for. Consent is sexy and required!”

 

“Good job. What a gentleman and decent human being.”

 

Why was he wearing the bear sweater. Why was a dumb sweater with a dumb bear on it his weakness? He looked so sexy—fuck, JJ was going to die.  

 

Otabek stepped closer to him. He had to look down to meet Otabek’s gaze and was keenly aware of the dwindling distance between their noses, their lips, how Otabek’s breath smelled between their faces. 

 

“Hi,” JJ croaked. 

 

“Hey. I am consenting. Can I have my last lesson?”

 

JJ closed his eyes, and the last few inches between them. He wished his stupid brain could just let him have a moment of happiness but when Otabek kissed him back, instead of feeling elated, like an angel lifting him to heaven, he just felt the pain of not having this for real.

 

He took a step back. Otabek looked up at him, a wrinkle in his eyebrow, like—no. Of course he didn’t want to keep kissing him. He didn’t get that kind of luxury. Happiness. 

 

Otabek’s looked up at him. His eyes were literally sparkling. “That was a good lesson.”

 

JJ swallowed. “Yeah.”

 

Otabek looked at him strangely. “Alright.” He leaned in closer and for a moment they hung there and balance of of the universe was in limbo. JJ smiled tightly and took a half step back. 

 

He must have imagined the disappointed look on Otabek’s face. 

 

Otabek stepped back and looked down. “There’s actually one more thing.”

 

“Oh?” JJ asked faintly. 

 

“The most important part, probably.”

 

JJ froze. Otabek wanted to have sex? Practice sex. No, no, no, no, this couldn’t be hapening—

 

“Uh—” JJ said at the same time Otabek said, “do you want to be my boyfriend?”

 

“Oh.”

 

Otabek looked at him uncertainly.

 

“Well. Good job. You did it. You are ready. Alright, then off you go. Good luck. See ya.”

 

JJ looked down at his keys and fumbled with them for longer than necessary. He felt Otabek leave and thought he heard a distance revving sound. He unlocked the car and when he looked up as he got into the driver’s seat, Otabek was nowhere to be found.   

 

***

  
  
  


That was the final step. The kiss. And then asking him. What the hell. That he honestly hadn’t thought of, for good reason. He didn't want to think about Otabek and Mila kissing. Ugh. Yay for love and all of that but ugh. He was always ready to date Mila. JJ didn’t know what went through his head to start this stupid venture. Nothing. He hadn't thought anything through. It was embarrassing to admit now and it just made him mad but he genuinely thought Otabek would just fall for him instead. Yeah, right. Now, it just seemed so stupid to think that could ever happen. He had really been that naive once, a couple of weeks or so ago.

 

Well, now it was over. And he desperately wanted at the same time to know what was happening and also just be blissfully ignorant. 

 

The whole point of this was for Otabek and Mila to get together.  And honestly, if they weren’t going to get together, then it would just be Otabek playing with his emotions. He took it too far. Yes, it was his idea, but Otabek could have said no. Of course it was nice to have someone fawning over you at all times. But this was just too real. Too real and too fake.  Otabek was a smart guy. There was no way that Otabek didn't realize how JJ felt. Was Otabek just scared of rejection? Everyone was afraid of rejection. But it wasn’t fair to cling onto someone you didn’t really want just because they liked you. What the hell kind of business was that?

 

That’s what he told himself. He read all the relationship advice columns about it. He did the googling. He had research on his side. Self-help and positivity blogs galore filled his mind, and made him feel like he was drowning. 

 

Avoiding Otabek wasn’t the best or mature option in the long run. But at least for now it was easier,  until he figured out the best way to tell him this. He missed Otabek. He missed his friend. 

 

But still. 

 

What would Phichit say?  He scoffed and it was torn from his throat like sandpaper across redwood bark. It seemed like so long ago that he was trying to find out Otabek’s deal from Phichit. What did Phichit know anyway? Why couldn't he have just said Otabek was into Mila? Okay, JJ knew that already, but why couldn’t Otabek have just asked Mila out already? There was only so nervous someone could be. And he was so hot. What did he have to worry about? And Mila was obviously into him. Everyone thought so. He hadn't actually asked anyone but he could just imagine the reiews. He imagined his life as a mockumentary and the camera cutting to everyone giving their opinion on Otabek and Mila. 

 

Of course his documentary was just about Otabek and Mila. The documentary supposedly about his life. Damn him. He never wanted to be in love again.

 

There was a knock on his door.  He jumped three feet into the air and landed when the second and third knocks finished. 

 

He did not want to open the door. It was probably just someone delivering a package he had to sign for but he almost wanted to just leave it and let them come another time. He sighed.

 

He opened the door and there was a package. But it was Otabek standing there with a grim expression on his face with a department store bag. One they went to on their first “date.” JJ turned the memory over in his mind, like he was watching a goldfish through a glass bowl.

 

“Hi,” he said finally.

 

Otabek handed JJ the bag. 

 

JJ looked inside.

 

Fuck.

 

It was the bear sweater, neatly folded. The white tissue paper on top was not enough to  conceal it. 

 

JJ looked up. “You want me to return this?”

 

“Do whatever you want with it.”

 

It took all JJ had not to flinch. 

 

“Okay. But why?”

 

“You know why.” The quiet venom in Otabek’s voice pierced his heart like a javelin.

 

The bag felt like it was filled with stones. He rolled around the thin ropey handles in his palm. “I don’t. But okay.”

 

Otabek looked at him with great displeasure. “Okay, well I guess that’s it then.”

 

“Yeah, I guess so.”

 

“It was fun while it lasted.” Otabek leaned his weight back on one foot, ready to turn. 

 

Pain pooled like acid in his chest.  “Well, the fun is only just now beginning for you. So best of luck.”

 

Otabek looked confused beneath his frustration. “What?”

 

Something was dawning on JJ but he didn't want to accept it quite yet.  “What about Mila?”

 

Otabek looked at him coldly. “Why not ask her yourself.”

 

JJ heard himself bark out a short laugh in his head, but it didn’t make it through his throat.  “Um, what?”

 

“You don’t have to pretend anymore. I know you like her.”

 

Maybe JJ just had to laugh to keep from crying. He felt like he was trying to complete a jigsaw puzzle with only half the pieces. “What? I don’t like her. You like her.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“You don’t? Then what was the whole point of this?”

 

“What?”

 

“Why were we doing this dating thing?” JJ cried. 

 

“This was a “dating thing?” You were doing this as some kind of deal?” Otabek’s voice was as dead as a skeleton.

 

JJ’s skin prickled. “Yes, I thought we were.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay, what?”

 

Otabek looked furious. JJ had no idea what he did to get this reaction, since Otabek was the one returning the sweater, and apparently breaking off their friendship. JJ needed time, he didn’t want to never see Otabek again. But whatever, this was just as well, then. 

 

“Didn’t expect you  to be such a jackass.”

 

That did feel like a slap. Like an underhanded blow. 

 

“I guess you never know with people,” Otabek continued darkly.

 

What a turn. “Nice. Thanks. I was trying to be a good friend. But you know. Whatever. Silly me.”

 

Otabek outright snorted. “By leading me on?”

 

“Me? You led me on!”

 

“You can’t just turn everything I say back onto me. Maybe reflect on your own actions for once in your life.”

 

“Okay, maybe you should do that too!” JJ said and then actually cringed. “Don’t play with people’s emotions. Just be confident and ask out whoever you want. You don't need practice.”

 

“I don’t see how I can be confident after that.”

 

“After what?”

 

“Seriously, JJ?”

 

“I literally do not know what you are talking about.” 

 

“You rejected me, and you’re just going to pretend it didn’t happen? Alright. That’s fine, then.  Bye, JJ.” 

 

Otabek turned and bounded down the steps. He crossed the grass and hopped onto his bike and sped away before JJ could feel his heart (already shattered into a million pieces) just get steamrolled. 

 

_ Rejected me? Rejected me  _ when? 

  
  


***

  
  
  


Well, wasn’t this completely a mess. 

 

Otabek was dating him for real and he thought JJ rejected him for real and JJ was the biggest jackass in the world. And the stupidest one. 

 

Somehow Otabek was never at his locker after school anymore.  And somehow there was never time to talk in class anymore. He deserved, this but still.  Mila and Yuri shot him dirty looks. Well, Mila shot him dirty looks and looked like she was going to spit in his direction.

 

One day JJ was walking slowly from class to his locker trying to see if he could catch Otabek on the way. Yuri came up to him and JJ was about to ask him where Otabek was, if he could pass on a message, tell him he was sorry, something. He was not prepared when Yuri took a swing at him and clocked him in the jaw. He wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not that Yuri was so short. JJ looked down in shock and around him. There wasn’t even a crowd, just people milling about. Mila watched the exchange like a hawk. JJ looked at her, expecting her to step in. She took a good look at him and then looked at the back of Yuri’s head, an arm crossed over her waist, and the other elbow propped on that one, a loose fist by her face, like she was alternating inspecting her fingernails and watching JJ get pummelled by a nine year old.

 

“Guys,” someone in the crowd said. “Please, now is not the time.” A bunch of people shushed them and someone said, “go, then!”

 

“Go to the park! I have nothing better to do today,,” someone else suggested.

 

Yuri took another swing and JJ dodged and tried to catch it but Yuri took it back quickly. 

 

“Are we really fighting right now?” JJ asked him, trying to sound like he was judging Yuri’s entire decade of life choices.

 

“What does it look like, you stuck up uppity piece of horse shit!”

 

“Guys?”

 

JJ turned at that voice, like a siren call.  Normally it didn’t hurt but now it actually might lead to his death.  He watched Otabek make his way through the tiny crowd that formed and also got punched square in the cheek again. 

 

“God!” he cried, holding his face and taking a step back.  “Can you chill?”

 

“Fight back, you bitch!”

 

“Yuri, please!” Otabek stood in front of the blonde boy looking at him, bewildered, and then turned to Mila, who had the decency to look a little ashamed. “Mila, what is this?”

 

Mila did not say anything. 

 

“All of you go,” Otabek said.

 

“No, he can go!” Yuri screamed.

 

“No.” Otabek kept the same tone, the same volume, and the utter disappointment in his voice weighed down in JJ’s stomach like a brick.

 

Mila came up to Yuri, and grabbed him by the arm. He tried to yank himself away but Mila held on strong. Yuri met her gaze, fear almost edging into his eyes, faced with Mila’s unyielding icy steel eyes.

 

“This isn’t over!” Yuri spat over his shoulder.

 

“Oh, it is,” Otabek said gravely. This he said towards JJ and he wilted. He wanted a chance and he had it and then he blew it. He really couldn’t blame Otabek for not giving him another.

 

“You can go,” Otabek said softly.

 

Mila and Yuri turned to leave, as did the rest of the crowd. Against all instinct, JJ also turned to leave. It’s not like he would even know what to say.

 

“That’s it?”

 

JJ froze. He turned around. “What?”

 

“You’re just going to fight my friend and—” Otabek looked down and shook his head. “Never mind. Forget it.”

 

“No, please. Say the one thing you have wanted to say to me in a week.”

 

“I think we already said everything that needs to be said.”

 

“I didn’t know we were dating for real. I thought you were just practicing for Mila.”

 

Otabek looked like he was going to explode. He saw waves of thoughts crashing behind his eyes but all that came out was, “That’s idiotic.”

 

JJ couldn’t think straight under Otabek’s glare. But he had to proceed somehow. “So, you like me?”

 

Otabek looked incredibly unimpressed. “I’m leaving now.”

 

JJ stretched out his hand but dropped it back. Otabek looked at it like it was a snake. 

 

“Otabek, please. Do you want to date me?”

 

Otabek smiled thinly. “Yes, but that went pretty horrible, so.”

 

“I am so stupid,” JJ pleaded.

 

“You are.”

 

“I didn’t realize—” JJ took a deep breath. “I like you, too. I want to date you.”

 

Pain flickered in Otabek’s eyes. “Why did you break my heart?”

 

“I didn’t know it was mine to break.”

 

Otabek scoffed. “Wow. You are so dramatic.”

 

JJ smiled hopefully. “But you love it…?”

 

Otabek took a long time to reply. “Yeah.”

 

JJ sighed. “Are we cool?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Before Otabek could finish, JJ launched himself at him, wrapping him in a big bear hug. 

 

“I can’t believe you.” Otabek sounded rather muffled.

 

“I know, I’m sorry.” JJ never wanted to lift his head from Otabek’s shoulder.

 

They stood like that for a while. 

 

“I want my sweater back.”

 

JJ leaned back so he could look at him. Otabek looked smug.

 

JJ kissed him on the cheek. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  
  



End file.
